tillehdemeepeh

We next join Liam at the beginning of his fourth week of college, Tuesday the 21st of September.

He walked into college that Tuesday morning a totally different person to how everybody knew him. Although it was almost October, the temperature during the day was well above 25º and Liam had been wearing sleeveless T-shirts, all of a sudden he refused to wear anything that didn't cover his arms.
"Li, can I ask you something…personal like?" Jimmy, who'd been the first guy that Liam spoke to at the college, asked suddenly during their first lecture.
Liam simply shrugged and became very interested in his fingernails.
"What's with all of a sudden wearing long sleeves?" Jimmy lowered his voice so nobody else heard.
"uh…" Liam started to say something, stopped, sighed and below the desk silently rolled his right sleeve up, then just looked at Jimmy as if to say 'I hated every second of it' before letting the sleeve down again and turning back to his work. Neither of them spoke for the rest of the morning, which was spent in the same room right up until 11:15 when they had their first break.
"Hey Jim" Liam caught hold of Jimmy's arm as they left the room and pulled him aside.
"yah? What is it?"
"Can you err…keep a secret?" Liam looked desperate
"Yeah, of course"
"Don't tell anyone else about what I showed you, not even Al or Dan ok? And most certainly not Sal, she's got troubles of her own"
"Sure thing, d'you want to talk about it or anything?"
Liam looked around
"Not now, maybe a bit later"
"Ok dude, coming for a bite to eat? You look like you could do with something, you're shaking like mad"
"Yeah, I'm starved!"
They both walked off to the cafeteria where they found the other three already saved a table and some food for them.
"Hey guys" Jimmy greeted them all as he and Liam took up their seats and tucked into their food, especially Liam, who didn't even spare more than a few words for Sally, until she mentioned that she'd heard there was a new girl starting next week.
"Say, did any of you hear about the new girl starting next week?" she sounded excited
"Yeah, I heard something about she's a rocker from the coast who just moved here" Danny blurted then covered his mouth "I wasn't supposed to say that" he mumbled.
They all laughed at him, even Liam.
"She sounds cool!" Allie exclaimed when they finally stopped laughing at Danny, who'd gone a shade of pink rarely seen on him.
"yeah, she does, maybe she'll join us lot, then it'd be fair on you and Sal, they'd be equal amounts of guys and girls" Jimmy put in
"Does anyone know her name?" Liam finally asked
"Err…" Was the reply, until Allie had a brain-wave
"Daniella I think, it was something like that anyway. What were you two doing that made you late for break anyway?" she asked him and Jimmy
"Uh… we were talking…" Liam replied, then went quiet again and drifted off into his own world
"About what?"
"It's a surprise" Jimmy spoke up, noticing Liam's un-easiness
"Oh cool, I like surprises"
-Oh finally the bell!- Liam jumped to his feet and was gone before anyone even noticed.

The motley crew walking along the corridor would've surprised most people, but everyone had become so used to them that they just walked by without a second glance.

Sally still had black hair with pink, and was still accustomed to wearing black T-shirts of various styles, along with the black pleated skirt, or sometimes a longer non-pleated one, both with safety pins and chains adorning it, her knee high boots had broken and were still at the menders being fixed, so she wore a pair of mid-shin length ones instead. Plus the normal black eye-liner and eye-shadow that made her look more scary than she really was, and made her eyes look black rather than the deep blue they were.
Jimmy was the only one with short hair, if you could call it short. Two inch long black spikes, above hazel eyes that often glittered with mischief. He, like Liam, had left home that year, but he was staying with his aunt who seemed to care more about how he was doing in college than her own work status. The general norm for his dress was black or blue jeans that were clearly too long at one point, but they no longer had any hems anyway, and some kind of band T-shirt. Few people knew what he wore on his feet. Jimmy was the noisey bugger who played the drums.
Allie had become known as 'The weird chick'. Her hair was long and straight, originally auburn she'd dyed the ends of it various colours since starting college, currently they were an electric shade of blue, which matched with her eyes. You could never figure out or even guess what she might wear each day. But you could always guarantee that she'd wear at least 50 bracelets on each wrist, and more often than not her nails would be of varying different colours.
Danny…The 'rich kid' or, 'Rich Bastard' as most students preferred to call him, wasn't all posh and stuck up as you might expect, in fact he was just a normal 16 year old, it wasn't his fault his parents had a lot of money and he owned his own house, not that he lived there, his older sister was currently living there with her boyfriend, until they got a place of their own. He was the most Goth one out of them all. He hated the fact he had blonde hair and Brown eyes 'It looks stupid!' he said. And the way he grew his hair it WOULD look stupid blonde. Collar length and fringe swept to one side, normally covering one eye completely, he'd dyed it black as soon as he could get his hands on some long-lasting black hair-dye, rarely seen without black eye-liner most of the younger students were scared of him (Younger students who were on a day release from school to do courses like hair-dressing). What also made him rather intimidating was his height 6'4" everyone had to look up to him. His dress sense was very much varied, much like Allie's. He also played guitar.

Liam had rushed off to his next lecture, or so they all thought, he actually felt like he was going to be ill, so escaped the throng and darted into the toilets to avoid the crowds. They were completely empty, which was a blessing as far as he was concerned because he was, actually, ill.
-That's the second time today!-
He blacked out on the floor.

It felt like he'd been out for hours when he came round, it had in fact only been a few minutes.
He got to his feet as fast as he could and stumbled to look in one of the mirrors.
"You look awful dude" he was almost surprised to hear his own voice. He looked around to see if there was anyone there, then turned on one of the cold-water taps and splashed it over his face. Because his hands were shaking so much he also managed to splash a large amount on his shirt. Ignoring this fact he made his way to his lecture, this one spent with Danny and Sally.

Un-eventful, apart from Danny asking why he was all wet.
"I felt tired so I splashed my face with water"
And being reprimanded for being 5 minutes late
"We hadn't even started" Sally said to him later

Only Jimmy and Sally had lectures after lunch, but Liam and Danny had planned a band-practice session, so both were staying for lunch anyway, but Liam needed to speak with Jimmy, urgently.
"Hey Jim!" Liam called as he spotted Jimmy in the crowd heading towards the cafeteria
"yeah dude?"
"Can I talk to you in…err…private in a bit?"
"Sure, just lemme get a bite to eat, say, d'you want anything?"
"I'd kill for a drink I know that"
"It's on me, meet me by the library, I need to do some research"
"Thanks dude, see you in a bit"
Danny and Sally had already disappeared outside, so Liam legged it up to the library, which was almost empty, and sat outside waiting for Jimmy to come up. Ten minutes later Jimmy arrived, muttering something under his breath about 'stupid bloody cafeteria staff, brainless twots'
"Here you go Li, sorry it's not cold, they didn't listen to what I said to 'em" He handed Liam a bottle of water.
Liam laughed
"That's not a surprise"
"So you wanted to talk to me?" Jimmy looked seriously at Liam now
"yeah, You see, it's because of Sal that all this has happened…"
"Oh"
"yeah, I kind of mentioned it to my mum on the phone last night and she just went berserk, I know I shouldn't have said anything, but I couldn't help it, it was out of my mouth before I could stop myself, and she just went crazy and started yelling at me that I was mixing with the wrong crowd and that she'd pull me out if she ever heard that I was still hanging around with Sally. And then she started blaming me for my dad and her splitting up and tried to blame ME for how her new guys been treating her recently. As if I could, I haven't even seen her since April, I moved out as soon as I…"
"Hey Li! Calm down" Jimmy cut in, Liam had raised his voice.
"Uh" Liam looked up in surprise
"You were shouting"
"oh…sorry…I…didn't realise" he drifted into silence again, remembering the phone conversation and the events afterwards -

It was 8:00 PM and Liam was curious as to how his mother was doing, wondering if she'd had the baby yet, she'd said it was due around early September, and although he'd perhaps left on a rather bed note, he'd still insisted on phoning once in a while to find out how things were.
The phone rang…1…2…3…4…
"Hello?"
"Hi mum it's Liam"
"Oh, it's you, what you after?"
"Just wondered how you were and stuff"
"I'm fine, tired and over-worked"
"You're back at work again?"
"Yes you numskull"
"OK, OK, I was only asking"
"I lost the baby ok? And Adrian's taken it bad"
"Oh mum I'm so sorry, I didn't know…"
"I know you didn't, I'm sorry, how are you? College going ok?"
"Yeah! It's great, I already made a load of friends too"
"That's nice, anyone from school go there?"
"None of my friends, and nobody that would recognise me anyway"
"Oh right, so who're these new friends of yours?"
"There's Allie - she's crazy, everyone calls her the weird chick, Danny - he's the rich kid, he's got his own house and everything, Jimmy - he's just an all round great guy, noisey bugger, but a great guy all the same, and then there's Sally, who was the first person I spoke to, she's got some problems though…" -OH SHIT! I shouldn't have said that, please don't let her have heard that!-
"Oh? Like what?"
"Well, err" -Just tell her the truth- "She drinks and stuff…"
"You mean she's an alcoholic?"
"Uh…yeah…and…stuff…"
"She's not JUST an alcoholic?"
"Well, uh…no…"
"What else does she do? Solvent sniffing?!"
"For Fuck sake mum YES!
"Don't you bloody dare swear at me! And stop hanging 'round with this girl 'Sally'!"
"WHAT?!"
"You heard!"
Liam heard alright and it hit him hard
"But mum, she needs help! Nobody else is gonna help her!"
"I don't bloody care! I don't want my son socialising with an alcoholic drug abuser!"
"I've been hanging round with her since the start of college and I'm as clean as ever!"
"I still don't care! If I hear that you've been seen with her again I'll take you out of there myself!"
"You can't bloody DO that!"
"Can't I?"
"But mum this is MY life! It's been MY LIFE since April!"
"Yes, and this has been MY life since your father left, which was the worst thing ever at the time and it was all because of you!"
"WHAT?!
"And it's your fault I lost this baby, YOUR FAULT ADRIAN'S GOING MENTAL!"
"What are you on woman? I haven't even SEEN you since April!" Tears were welling up in his eyes and he could feel himself losing his grip on sanity so he screamed down the line
"DON'T YOU FUCKING CARE THAT YOU BLOODY HURT YOUR ONLY SON SO BAD THAT HE SEEKS SOLITUDE?! BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU OR ADRIAN OR ANYONE ELSE ANYMORE! Don't ever phone me, you'll never hear from me again. Goodbye"
And with the sound of his mothers screaming he dropped the phone back onto the hook and walked away and left it…a minute later it rang, he let it ring, ignoring it's desperate tone as he dug through a drawer in the lounge area, finally pulling out a knife with a 4 inch blade. He carried it with him into the bathroom where he stood and stared into the mirror. As the phone rang again he looked down at the knife in his hand, stretched out his arm and silently almost painlessly cut through the skin and watched as the blood slowly flowed…
By 9:30 he'd left the bathroom, the knife still in the sink and crashed out on the sofa, ignoring the pain in both his lower arms.

Jimmy got to his feet and went and sat beside Liam
"It's gonna be ok dude, we won't let anything happen, and we're going to help Sally too, and anyone else we can along the way"
Liam remained silent for a moment, then he sniffed and looked around to face Jimmy, who instantly felt something inside shatter.
"Don't cry Li, I swear, everything'll be ok, it might be a bumpy ride, but we're all in it together"
"Don't tell anyone else, Promise me you won't"
"I promise"
Liam smiled weakly and started searching through his pockets for a tissue, but came up with none
"Here" Jimmy handed him one from his own pocket
"Thanks"
"You still want to go ahead with band practice?"
"Yeah, try and kick some of the emotion around a bit"
"OK cool"
"Jim?"
"Yah?"
"I wrote this song, you think you can come up with the drums for it during practice?"

Is this the start of the end?
Or is this the end of the start?

Whatever it is
I don't ever want to see you again!
You won't see what you've done to me!
You'll never hear my name again!

You got no right to say
Let her be
You got no right to say
What should and should not be!

All this emotion inside
When will it all explode?
How long 'til our worlds collide?
How long before the over-load?

You got no right to say
Where I'll be!
You got no right to say
Who you want me to be!

"I can give it a go"
"Cool, I got another copy, I'll get Dan to try and get a bass-line down before you come down to join us"

During the practice Jimmy commented
"Say Li, there doesn't seem to be a finale to these lyrics"
"Hmm, you're right"
"Hey, what about…" Jimmy could sing too, so he sung the words he thought of
"I'll never let her go alone
I'll never say goodbye to her!
I'll never be alone!
I'll always have them and her!"
"HELL YEAH! Jim that's great!"
Jimmy simply smiled and gave himself a pat on the back.

Liam's Diary
Dear Diary
I made such a big mistake last night! Why ever did I phone my mother? Now I'm stuck doing myself harm! Jimmy noticed at college today and I don't mind sharing it with him, he's my best friend there, next to Sally, but I don't want everyone to know or they'll just start feeling 'sorry' for me, I don't NEED sympathy, I need people to believe in me, to believe I have the strength to STOP!
I was sick three times today, once this morning, once after break and again just after I got home, I actually passed out at college though.
Why is my mother blaming me for everything?
Peace Out
Liam…

Piczo